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about

The Queen and the Nightman

In which the reason that Queen Elizabeth I remained unmarried is revealed: more a matter of the foolish loss of engagement rings than the reasons suggested in the specious and unconvincing babblings of historians and so-called experts.

In Tudor England, before the days of water-closets and functional sewage systems, the wealthy had the privilege of privies — a nice wooden seat suspended over a pit of stinking excrement. Such pits needed emptying, and that job fell to the ‘gong-farmers’, also known as ‘nightmen’ because they were only allowed to work at night due to the repulsive odours released by their work. Their job was well paid — six shillings a day in Hampton Court at the time of Good Queen Bess — an inducement to endure the grim working conditions; the pits were dug out with a spade, with the gong-farmer up to his knees, or even neck (it is said), in human ordure. The solid waste produced was removed by cart, after being put in barrels or pipes, and removed to specified areas, usually on the edges of the town.

In London, one such dump was at Dung Wharf — later the site of the Mermaid Theatre — and residents at the time amused themselves by naming another enormous dump (covering over 7 acres) as Mount Pleasant. Perhaps unsurprisingly, since they had slight chance of becoming clean enough after work to be odour-free, nightmen were likely to be shunned by the public and were required to live in specified areas.
Hazards of the job included the possibility of asphyxiation from the noxious fumes (or partial asphyxiation followed by drowning), the collapse of rotted pit-ceilings, the discovery of the corpse of an unwanted infant, and the punishments inflicted for the inappropriate disposal of the effluent: one unfortunate is recorded as having been rammed into one of his pipes, which was filled up to his neck in excrement before he was displayed in the street for his crime.

Queen Elizabeth I was, famously, unmarried, declaring that she was wedded to the country itself. She is recorded to have had seven suitors, but the reason she did not marry has been much disputed, and the facts relating to the loss of her rings in the privvy — and their eventual beneficial financial effect on Alice (later Lady Alice), the wife of the nightman Arthur Sidney Bennet — are not recorded in historical sources.

lyrics

The Queen and the Nightman Lyrics — Adam Summerhayes

Old Bess had many suitors,

And was given many rings.

There were men she would have chosen,
But she was prone to losing things.

As she struggled to the privy,

In her skirts she would get stuck —
Her newest ring
From her finger would ping,

And drop into the muck.

And even with love awoken,
Its quite hard to say yes,

When his shiny true-love token Is lost in your own mess.
“I’d be up to my neck
. With no bucket or shovel.

To find the ring
Would be far too much trouble.
There’ll soon be another man.”

Old Bess had many suitors,

And was given many rings.

There were men she would have chosen,
But she was prone to losing things.

Arthur Sidney thought himself lucky:
His job paid very well.

He might be rather mucky,

But his girl had no sense of smell.

At sixpence a night,

He’d work at the palace,
Earning the coin

To take back to Alice.

Though everyone shunned him,
If seen in day’s light,

The Queen needed the work
That he did in the night.

“I’m up to my neck

With my bucket and shovel.
I don’t smell great.

But I know that my love’ll
Be pleased to see me home.”

Old Bess had many suitors,

And was given many rings.

There were men she would have chosen,
But she was prone to losing things.

After twenty years of living
Off the bounty of the queen,
He revealed his prize

To his girl’s shining eyes:
If you sift in the grime for things that shine,
You’ll find such things from time to time ...

Seven fat stones,

In seven fat rings.

Seven fat stones

That could’ve made seven kings —

If old Queen Bess had been better at things.

Old Bess had many suitors,

And was given many rings.

There were men she would have chosen,
But she was prone to losing things.

Now Alice had no sense of smell,
But she had a nose for wealth,

So she re-considered her path in life,
And Arthur lost his health.

“Seven fat stones to buy poison,

A carriage and a house.

Seven fat stones to bring gentlemen,
And entrap a landed spouse.”

Seven fat stones,

In seven fat rings.

Seven fat stones

That could have made kings —

If old Queen Bess had been better at things.

But Old Bess had many suitors,

And was given many rings.

There were men she would have chosen,
But she was prone to losing things.

“He was up to his neck

With a bucket and shovel.

I strove to be rich,

And he saved me the struggle —
All thanks to the virgin queen.

For Old Bess had many suitors,

And was given many things.

There were men she would have chosen,
But she gave me all her rings.”

credits

from The Devil's On The Mast, released June 2, 2023
Music by Adam Summerhayes, Murray Grainger and Kirsty Merryn

Produced and mixed by Murray Grainger.
Lyrics by Adam Summerhayes and Kirsty Merryn


UTE007 (Under The Eaves Records)
Mastered by Jon Astley
Artwork - Adam Summerhayes 
© & ℗ 2023 Adam Summerhayes, Murray Grainger & Kirsty Merryn


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The Ciderhouse Rebellion England, UK

Two virtuoso musicians playing some of the most startling and original music you will ever encounter. Compelling, exciting and utterly original" Phil Beer

The duo brings together master accordionist Murray Grainger and fiddle player Adam Summerhayes.
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